Euro 2012: Mane Men

Euro 2012’s great eight is set and the knockout stage begins today. Over in the NBA, nerd chic is all the rage, but here at Euro 2012, it’s all about hair. These guys really, really, really love their hair. With that in mind, we break down the quarter finals:

Even Cristiano Ronaldo’s face can’t make up for that hair.

Portugal vs. Czech Republic

After an opening loss to the Germans, Portugal has found its swagger courtesy of Cristiano Ronaldo. He is the face and hair of Euro 2012. Here’s to Portugal continuing its roll into the semis.

Side swept Mario Gomez.

Germany vs. Greece

Memo to Greece: The dream dies here. It’s been fun and you’ve had a decent run but it’s only because of the Russian choke-job. With an attack led by Mario Gomez and his perfectly blow-dried hair, the Germans will crush Greece in a methodical manner.

Meet Fernando Torres.

France vs. Spain

The defending champs are still trying to find their groove, but Spain should be able to get by the French. We’ve noticed Fernando Torres has gone back to his “Meet Joe Black” look, and it seems to have brought back his scoring touch. Combine this with Spain’s sublime mid-fielder Xavi leading the way, and we see Spain moving on. Soccer 101: when said player has only one name, that means he’s very, very good.

Blondes have more fun, Mario Balotelli.

England vs. Italy

Our last quarter features two of the game’s baddest men: the combustible one, Wayne Rooney and Italy’s unpredictable Mario Balotelli. Rooney has been sporting a new hairstyle at Euro, and Balotelli changes his daily. With that slim blonde mohawk, we give Balotelli the hair edge in this competition. This game will likely be close and maybe even come down to penalties but we like England to sneak on through to the semis. If the football gods are smiling on us, we’ll see Rooney and Balotelli clash at mid-field.